Whole Again

44 And I the one who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces; and J when it falls on anyone, K it will crush him."* - Matt 21:44 (ESV)

5 For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime!  Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning. - Ps 30:5 (NLT)


     I spent many years within a thick cloud of depression.  These were definitely the darkest days of my life.  I remember feeling as if there was no way out, like a hot wooly blanket was constantly being draped over me.  I only dreamed of becoming whole again.
     There aren’t very many of us who’ve suffered with depression who can actually nail the exact time in which the condition started.  It is the antithesis of everything God intended for His children; and, like the serpent, it slowly slithers, worms its way into every area of our lives until it is strategically poised to constrict the quality of life right out of us.  It becomes a very self-absorbed state of mind, in which all you can think about is you.  I remember being gravitated toward everyone wallowing around in misery like I was; I guess in an attempt to affirm that I wasn’t the only one overcome with, what I thought to be, an over-dose of reality.  What probably blows me away the most is how much sense the insanity seemed to make to me at the time; as if my way of thinking was the ultimate example of clarity and everyone else was living in a fog of ambivalence.  Crazy stuff.
     It took me nearly loosing my marriage, my family, and my life to realize how far from reality I was.  Deep in my spirit, I knew that it was up to me to take the next step.  This was the hardest part --- looking up.  Like the lame guy lying by the pool at Bethesda, I’d settled in for the long haul.  I truly started to like how comfortable I’d become, even as screwed up as I was.  But, like the man on the mat, I came to a point of decision:  take the hand of Jesus, or remain where I was to erode into obscurity.  I knew the grinding rock was on its way and deep down I didn’t want to end up becoming its next fodder for powder.  I knew that God was all about restoration; that He loves the business of healing.  This song is my testimonial of how I decided to grab Jesus’ hand and let Him pull me from my pit, never to look back.  It’s definitely a new day now because of this.  “It feels like the first time I’ve opened my eyes…”